...I thought I would mention that it has been very difficult writing some of the blog when I felt defeated. I often edit blog posts and I notice other Moms of cancer patients also admit to editing their blog. I edit my words because I know Madeline will read it and her friends read it and because it's very difficult putting myself out there expressing so much pain. But I also edit because I want to avoid feeling judged.
On another Mom's blog where she wrote some very depressing thoughts one day, every blog comment to that post started with a version of "I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad today" and ended with a version of "but look on the good side." I don't know her feelings, but for me, I thought the "look on the good sides" were misplaced. Yes, please send them, we all need to be reminded of the wealth of blessings we are given, just send them on a different day when things aren't so bleak.
For me, If I vent out very personal feelings of despair or pain, please join me in the trenches for a while and allow the pain to be without trying to help me out of it. It's a moment, perhaps an hour, or a day or two. Sad is sometimes very appropriate. Let it be. Love, ca
While Everything Is Going Smoothly...
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12 comments:
Totally understand your feelings. Wish I had seen you over Thanksgiving, but figured you needed some space. Hang in there-you are all doing an amazing job. Love you A
This made me think about the saying "Live in the Moment". I guess I'd never really considered what that meant if the moment wasn't especially good. I'd always thought of it as a call to savor the good times... but you are right. You have to deal with the bad ones as they come up or else they will overwhelm you later.
I hope you don't ever feel like you *have* to express what's going on in a blog. I think we all check in to keep up with what's happening because you are all on our minds so much. We'll still be thinking about you during the periods of lean postings.
My brother-in-law felt like his blog didn't work for him because work, family all knew about it, so he had to censor it constantly. I heard he had started a secret blog and told no one about it. Then he could really dump all that scary stuff out there.
Hugs to you. Keep going.
Kathy
I hate cancer too. Thinking of you all,
Lilli
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad today.. LOL ..
The bottom line is that leukemia and it's treatment is a long, ugly, and scary disease to beat.
Some days it is tolerable and you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but then there are the "other days".
Best wishes to you all.
Hi Chris. I'm always glad to read whatever you and Trey post. It's an incredible privilege when you share what life is really like, what you're really experiencing and feeling. Please don't edit yourself as if you have to produce a pleasing product for us readers. YOU are who we love, the real you.
PS. I agree with Lilli.
Since my brother has recently been diagnoised with brain cancer and has weakened so quickly I, too, found myself a bit censored in my responses when folks want to "always look for a miracle".
Sometimes rather than a comfort it feels that so much pain and uncertainty is just too much for some folks to abid. And while I can certainly understand their need to protect themselves it would be easier to hear "This is almost too much for me to hear right now and please know how much I love and support you and your family".
Loving thoughts and pats,
Charlotte (and Connor and Donna)
Hi Chris and family, My mother is always telling me "One day at a time,(hour, minute)". It is ok to feel over whelmed and want to express and share it. It is hard to stay up beat all the time, you are doing a great job. We share your ups and downs as much as we can. We send Love and Hugs your say. Bev and Lad
Chris I love you very ,very much with all my heart. Big hugs to you! "Sisters-in-the-Kitchen",
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoJ
We love you, always! GP&EXXXXOOOO
I agree, and I understand (I think) how you wouldn't want a bizillion "look on the bright side"s when you don't want to. We all need some time to be sad.
But if you just look on the bright side...
(just kidding)
~~Stephanie~~
Chris, I am so glad to hear you say this. I applaude your courage to go to those dark places, to share it and to know it is a part of the journey. I believe the healing can't happen until we go to the very depths of the feelings. Go there, and know we are here to hold you up and assist you back out when you ask for help.
I only wish I could carry some of the burden for you.
Much love, LCarron
You are living an authentic life, Chris, now more so than ever. It makes the bright so dazzling and the dark so terrifying. For years I have called my life "a wild ride". It is fabulous and scary but never dull. Keep being true to yourself - that's why we are all here - even after all these years! Hugs to you all from the B-E family
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