Day 100: THANK-YOU!!!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - It's Tuesday morning and we are at the Yawkey Clinic because Madeline needs a transfusion of both red blood and platelets. Hurrying from the car to the elevator, Madeline had to remind me that she has a low hematocrit (crit) and "please mom, walk slower." Along the corridor on the 8th floor is a Christmas tree with a whole bunch of knitted and sewn hats for the children who have cancer. The waiting room for the pediatric oncology is open, sunny, has a giant fish tank and an area for tots and more hats. There is an array of of colored bears on the counters for any of the visiting children. There are duck like chairs and a magazine rack on 4 sides of a column that has everything from Highlights to People. Madeline grabs a People. She is ushered in quickly so that her blood stats can be processed for the transfusion. She'll be here for the rest of the day as it takes a long time to transfuse blood and platelets.

In her room is a large gift bag with a High School Musical theme on the outside. It says Mady on the front. Suzanne, Mady's nurse, says it is from the computer people here at MGH. Every year at this time, they take the first names and ages of the cancer patients and put together a gift for them. What a sweet surprise. I start to cry.

I try to prepare myself when I am out and about so that I'm not bawling in the middle of the super market. The other night at the esteemed Band-o-rama, where Julia was playing the flute, and for the past 4 years, Madeline, the saxophone, I was downright rude in an effort to keep people from comforting me and the resultant bath of tears. It's not that I'm lacking hope. It's that this place I am in is more permeable to the plethora of pain and kindness that's abundant in our world.

A few days before Thanksgiving, a friend had a gratitude circle, an impromptu meeting of women who gathered and stated (or cried through) the things that they are grateful for. I feel so much gratitude to the people who have surrounded us with love, and I am especially grateful for having my Mom here, as she is sick with cancer too. I am so thankful to be able to call and talk with her anytime, and visit with her while we are going through this. My Mom and Dad would show up faithfully at MGH each week and be so silly and funny and goofy and kind and reassuring and hopeful and loving and caring and well, amazing parents to me and wonderful grandparents to Mady and Julia. I have spent hours on the phone with my Mom, and I know, even as I hang up, that I am blessed to have her here. Thank-you! ca


I'm the one adding the numbered days to this blog. I'm not completely sure why, but I do think it helps me to see the steady and inexorable progression of the numbers as they head toward the cure (around 900, I think). Today is 100... a nice round number and well over 10% done! The end will be here before we know it.

Like Chris, I also was sad at Bandorama. It was great to hear Julia in the 6th-grade band, but when the 8th-grade band performed it was Mady-less--she was back at home resting and avoiding the coughing/sneezing/microbe-breathing crowd. After all the performances we've been to, I really missed hearing Madeline's mellow saxophone in her group. tk